don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
