Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
