sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
