I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
