I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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