so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
