In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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