so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
