I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
