Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did I show you my penis last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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