we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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