is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
