I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
