Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
