I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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