oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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