get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
