Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
