I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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