Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
