a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother