Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.