my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day