dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!