actually, I'm a sock model
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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