Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
