Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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