So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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