I'm going to jail i love you
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
