So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
