Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
