Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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