I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
