Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
