just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
