3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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