break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
