he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
