Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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