thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
