dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
