guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
