Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
