They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
