One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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