I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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