we have officially lost it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
