That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
