piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
