i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
