i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
