You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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