My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
