I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
