then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
