He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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