Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
