hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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