Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
