When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
