I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
