Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
