I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Still dying that you shit outside
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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