So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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