im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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