Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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