dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
