She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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