I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
