i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Less talking, more tequila
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
