Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We talked him into tasing himself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
