you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
