if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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