Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
