I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
